“Sammi, I just need to focus on passing my classes. And with you around, I can’t. You are a big distraction that I can’t afford to have.”
Those words coming out of Preston’s mouth were the last ones she ever thought would come out of his mouth. After dating for 3 years, she had thought that nothing could surprise her when it came to him.
“So what are you saying? We should end our relationship because I’m too distracting for you to pass your classes?” As the words came out she felt tears burning, ready to come falling out at the slightest hint of any more painful news. Instead of turning into a sobbing ball of mush in front of him she hurriedly stood. “You know what, I’m going to leave. If you ever cared about us and me then you will need to let me know because I’m not coming back over here.”
“Sammi. Let me explain.” He moved to grab her hand but she shuffled quickly out of the way. She snatched her heels by the doors and didn’t bother to put them on. Those tears were coming and she needed to get out before they crippled her.
As she was about to climb into her car she heard Preston yelling. “I wasn’t breaking up. I’m not. I’ll call you after my finals are over.”
Her head shot up. “That is almost 3 months away.”
“Sammi.” His ‘lets be reasonable’ tone suddenly grated on her distraught nerves.
She slammed her door and mumbled under her breath. “You don’t put a real relationship on hold to pass a stupid class or two. You can’t bow out of a relationship any time life gets hard. If you can’t handle it now, what’s going to happen when we get married and he can’t kick me out of the house for being too distracting? Or when kids happen and they are distracting? Is he just going to disappear?” She gave a little scream.
Preston knocked on her window.
“I didn’t mean it.” He yelled through the closed window.
As tempted as she was to start her car and drive away, she didn’t. Cracking the window just enough so she wouldn’t have to yell she gave him a good glare. “You didn’t mean what exactly?”
He stopped and stood up straight as if that was the last question he expected to hear.
“Any of it.” He said in a rush.
“So this was a game or a test to see how I would react to being kicked out of your life so you could focus?” Sammi’s arms crossed. “I don’t see how that is any better.”
“It wasn’t a game.” His hands shot into his hair and pulled. “You don’t understand.”
“No I don’t.”
“Come back inside and let me explain.” He pointed up at his apartment as if she had forgotten where it was.
She shook her head. “Pres, I am on the verge of falling apart here. My boyfriend of 3 years just dropped me because he can’t deal with me being anywhere near him. I thought we were headed toward forever. So I’m trying to not break into a million pieces and you want to go into detail.”
“No.” He dropped his forehead onto her car door. “No.”
Sammi stayed silent, not trusting any of the words that may come out of her mouth in the next few minutes.
“Sammi, please.”
She couldn’t move and didn’t know what to say.
“Sammi, I am not breaking up with you.” He tried to open the door but it was locked. “Open the door. Come back inside and let me try to say it right.”
“2 minutes.” She squeezed the tears back into her heart. “If after two minutes I’m still hurting, I am leaving and I will not come back here ever. You’ll get the space and distance you need. And so will I.”
“Come inside.” Preston pleaded
She opened the door slowly and when he moved to help her out of the car like he always would, Sammi held up her hand to stop him. “I’m fine.”
He paused before reluctantly stepping back. As they walked back up to his apartment she was careful to leave at least a foot between them. Getting any closer hurt too much.
Once they were back inside she took a seat on the one chair in the room making it impossible for him to get too close. He sighed as he went back to the couch where they had been sitting and snuggling while he studied only minutes ago.
“Sammi.” He began. “I realize what I said may have sounded harsh.”
She nodded.
“Sammi, I don’t ever want to lose you.”
“But…” She supplied, knowing it was coming.
“I can’t fail these classes. I’m under a lot of pressure. You know that.”
Again, she nodded.
“I’m not saying we should never see each other until finals. I didn’t mean it that way. That was the stress talking.”
“I think this whole conversation is the stress talking.” She folded her arms tighter as if she could physically hold herself together.
He shook his head. “I’m saying that I need study time by myself. I’ll probably be at the library.”
“Ok.”
“So I won’t be around as much.”
She waited.
“I don’t want you hanging around here waiting for me to get home and getting mad when I’m not.” He shrugged.
“So when you said you didn’t want me around? And that I’m a distraction you can’t afford to have?”
“I meant it in the way of ‘I am not going to be studying here in order to focus better’. And you have to admit, with how gorgeous you are every day, you are very distracting. I keep thinking about kissing you instead of studying. I’m hoping with me being alone in the library I will be thinking less about kissing you and more about the algorithms I have to memorize.”
“You could have just said that you were going to study in the library for a few hours each day so you would be home later than usual.” She shrugged, still struggling to move past the aching hurt.
He laughed. “I could have. I should have. Now that you put it that way I’m kicking myself for not thinking of that. Instead I almost lost you because I couldn’t get the words out right.”
“I can try to be less distracting.” She muttered.
“No!” His vehement tone surprised her. “No. I want you to be you. I love you for who you are, not a dulled down version of you just so that I can concentrate.”
“You love me?” She gasped, eyes wide.
He gulped. “I meant for the first time I said it for the setting to be a little more romantic.” He shook his head. “Too late for that. Yes, Sammi. I love you.”
The tears she had been holding in came gushing out with wild abandon. “You jerk!”
