To my dear Eli,
Hello, my love. It has been far too long since I was in your arms and I miss you. I loathe not being by your side.
I made apple pie for you today. I knew you’d appreciate it, as you always did. I can still hear your chuckle when I would set it on the table in front of you. Our children sure did enjoy it too.
Now, I sit here at the desk you made for me for our 5th anniversary and smile at all the memories that fill me with such pleasant joy. I long to be back in your arms again, even if it was just one more time. In fact, I can almost feel you holding me every time I close my eyes.
It has been what seems like an eternity since I lost you. After 43 years by your side, and you by mine, being without you at all is far too long. You have and will always be my love, my partner, my friend. I pray for our children to find, give, and cultivate the same kind of enduring love that we had and what I still hold for you inn my heart. It wasn’t always easy loving a stubborn man like you. And looking back, I know there was never a time I didn’t love you.
There are so many memories I still hold of you so close to my heart.
Now, I know you are not wondering why I am writing you today. You never were one to forget a day, especially our anniversary. Yet, this is the first time I have had to celebrate it without you here. I missed seeing your smile turn warm as you see me walk into the kitchen in the morning. I ached when our daughter brought me flowers this afternoon. You were always so good at giving me flowers. Even if they were from the field down the way or snuck from our neighbors garden.
As I sit here thinking of all we have been through, my thoughts drift back to when we were children. Do you remember when we first met? I had only known of you for a week when you made a lasting impression. The new boy in town. Even my sister had twittered on about how handsome you looked when she saw you moving your family’s furniture into the house.
We never talked about how we met, not after that day. But I still remember, Eli. What were you thinking, hiding up in that big ol’ tree throwing apples at me?
There I was, in my brand new green gingham dress I’d made for my fifteenth birthday, sitting on the fence, hoping the boys walking by would notice me.
You must have noticed me, so my objective had been met but I was too furious with you at the time to realize. Every time a boy came close, I had sat up straight and pretty for them. None of them noticed me though. Any time any one of those boys would start to look in my direction they were clubbed in the head by an apple.
I still can’t believe none of them seemed interested in climbing up and walloping you good. No, they would take one glance at me and just kept walking.
Every time I glared up at that big apple tree I couldn’t find you up there among all the branches. Maybe they thought it was me throwing those apples.
Yet, no matter how much I hollered at you to come down and face me, you wouldn’t. Instead, all I heard was your laugh floatin’ down on the breeze. I suppose I can admit now that I was drawn to that laugh of yours, so carefree and fearless. Mind you, I would have climbed up there and dragged you down to the ground so I could give you a proper piece of my mind, if I hadn’t been wearing that dress.
When you finally did come down I was ready to scream at you. You didn’t pause for even a second. No, you did not. You strode right up to me, kissed me senseless so I could barely breathe and said ‘I don’t want any of those other boys to notice you even for a second. And now, you won’t ever forget me either. I’m going to marry you one day. Gemma Anne Dawler.’
You held my hand that day. And walked me home too.
And not once did I forget you or that darn apple tree. Why do you think I made you apple pie every year? I never said it out loud but I still think you knew why. You smiled at me like you knew. Or maybe that was just your smile whenever you looked at me.
Today, as I watch our grandchildren play outside together, I can see you in each of them. The way your eyes sparkled merrily whenever you were playing pranks, your laughter, your mannerisms, and most of all; your smile.
I treasure every moment I have with them, feeling closer to you when I am with our darling children and their sweet babies.
I take comfort that even though you are gone, I still have your hugs when my boys come to visit me. I still see your pranks come alive as our children play tricks on each other. What a wonderful life and legacy we have made together. You have made such a beautiful impact on so many lives, all because you sat up in that apple tree and chucked apples at everyone except me. For that, I will always be eternally grateful.
Happy Anniversary my love; my Eli.
