Caden turned 17 yesterday. He now knows who he’s going to marry and I can’t figure out why it irritates me so much. All morning when I caught him glancing my way I couldn’t help but blush at his obvious attention. A part of me wants him to be my future. After all, we are best friends.
However, I am going to have to wait another year before I will find out for myself who my parents chose for me. With each engagement and subsequent marriage arranged and coordinated by parents, society deemed that children need not know the details until they were considered old enough to handle the responsibility. Yet that is not entirely true, because the boys find out when they are 17 while the girls have to wait until they are 18. The actual marriage doesn’t take place until both are 19 but still, they knew first. When did adults suddenly decide that boys were more mature than girls at 17?
When I asked my mother why I had to wait a year longer she laughed. “The longer a girl knows who she’s marrying the more she rebels and looks for a way out of it. Whereas the longer a boy knows, the more he gets used to the idea and looks forward to it.”
I couldn’t disagree. I knew it would be very true in my case but I hated having all the guys in the school know and I was left in the dark. Caden was the last of my circle of guy friends to find out. Every one of their birthdays had come and they each had in turn become insufferable. I’ve grown to hate birthdays and what they did to my friends. Every birthday I got stares and every birthday Caden would take my guy friends aside to talk. After they talked everything would go back to normal. Caden saved my sanity. However this time it was Caden doing the staring. Who was going to have words with him?
By the end of the day I couldn’t stand it any more. I was walking out with Caden, Ben, Trate, and Eli when once more Caden looked my way. He was hiding something. So I whacked him as hard as I could.
I had waited until we weren’t on campus so we wouldn’t get in trouble but that was it; this is where my patience ended.
“What was that for?!” He hollered before coming at me. I had been friends with these guys for most of my life so they no longer felt the need to refrain from seeking revenge when I hit them. In turn, I didn’t hold back my punches when they deserved it.
I widened my stance, ready to absorb the full-on tackle I knew was coming. I was braced and ready but at the last second he swooped around and picked me up.
“Caden!” I screeched. “Put me down!
My world began to spin. I clamped my mouth shut and hung on tight. How he kept his balance for so long while turning my world on end, I do not know. As he finally slowed I could feel his soft chuckle deep in his chest to which I clung. When did he get to be so strong? I didn’t notice before how much muscle he hid under those baggy old t-shirts.
He held onto me and nodded for the guys to keep going. Ben laughed, but then as they all started walking again Caden didn’t move to follow. After a minute he looked down and smiled, setting me down. “Ready to talk?”
“It’s just not fair” I stuck out my bottom lip and gave my most convincing pouty face.
“Aww put that pout away.” He tucked my lip back in. “I know it bugs you not to know and I shouldn’t have stared.” I looked up into his face and searched for some sign that he would give me even a hint of what he now knew. Guys talked to each other. They were allowed to. I caught his ‘debating’ look and wanted to beat it out of him.
“Are you going to tell me then?” My hand found itself clutching his arm. I didn’t want to look desperate so I forced my hand to drop to my side.
I watched him pull his hand through his hair as he looked down the road at the other guys standing around waiting for us. Our friends, MY friends. His voice dropped to a painful whisper. “You know I can’t tell you.”
My breath hitched. I pounced on his wording. “But you know! You know! Tell me who!” Again my hands clenched his biceps. Who cares about looking desperate.
Both his arms wrapped me in a huge solid hug as he bent to whisper into my ear. “I wish you were mine.”
I lost my breath. My heart dropped down to my knees as they buckled. If he hadn’t been holding me up I would have been on the ground. It wasn’t Caden. And he knew who it was. In that instant I knew I wouldn’t find out from him. For a second I blanked. All my brain could process was one phase over and over. It’s not Caden. It’s not Caden. It’s not Caden. I didn’t realize how much I had wanted and counted on it being him. And now that it was too late to try and do anything about it he admits that he wanted me to be his. “Do…do I know him?” I stumbled out.
His eyes closed. I watched as his face filled with sadness. “Don’t ask me Maddy.”
I didn’t realize how close our faces were until our noses brushed. I took a step back, focusing on my breathing to stay calm, to hold it together.
I looked around and discovered that all the other guys were no longer quite so near, but were studiously looking anywhere but at the two of us. In a moment of clarity it hit me. Every birthday, all those talks, Caden was making sure I could still be his. They all knew I was supposed to be with Caden. That he had always thought we would be together. How could I not have seen before? It’s true he had always been so protective of me. But it didn’t click until now.
Once again I faced Caden.
Before I could say anything else he swooped down and caught me in a kiss, his embrace tightening. My world narrowed in, focusing on the sensation invading my heart, permeating my being and capturing my very soul. I happily lost myself in what I was feeling. Never wanting it to end but knowing it was inevitable.
As he broke away he softly took hold of both sides of my face. I could look nowhere but at his tortured soul. “I would’ve chosen you, Maddy Raile. I still do. I’ll fix this.”
